Reflection on May 5, 1982

https://www.ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/jp2tb80.htm

SJPII talks about the idea that if a person is going to choose continence for the kingdom, he must fully understand what they are giving up. They must fully understand the meaning of marriage, the experience of the special union in masculinity and femininity, the lifelong commitment that this means. That makes complete sense when you recall that SJPII relates the two choices with very similar characteristics. To fully understand what is involved in marriage, a person can get a fuller understanding of what the union with God is going to be like and fully and faithfully understand what they are choosing.

What I thought of is whether those getting married have an understanding of what they are giving up when they get married. They are not only giving up the celibate life, but they are choosing to share a unique experience with only one other person for life. The idea that people get married with the understanding that they will probably get divorced is depressing. Many will say that no one gets married with the intention of divorce. Why then do we have pre-nuptial agreements. If people really had no inclining to divorce, they wouldn’t be something that people think about. But they are. Divorce has become so common that the idea that marriage is permanent isn’t even really reflected on. The non-permanence of marriage has led to its deterioration, the increases in cohabitation, the increase in single parent households. And because the idea of marriage is deteriorating, it has become vulnerable to the attacks on it by many to alter the very definition of what it means.

If a clear understanding of marriage is of vital importance in coming to an informed decision on whether to be continent for the kingdom, what will the deterioration of our understanding of marriage effect the discernment and quality of those seeking to make that choice? I think the answer becomes clear when you see the decline and deterioration of marriage follow the same track of decline in ordained religious and can probably be linked to the large scale of the sexual abuse scandals. When someone says that changing the definition of marriage doesn’t have any effect on people, they need to be shown what SJPII says here in regards to the importance of an understanding of marriage in the choosing of a celibate religious life.

Although living in continence for the kingdom is a renunciation of the married life, it is a unique way of understanding our human nature as a gift, fully given. That gift is a life given fully to God. Married couples are to also understand their life as a gift fully given to each other. Although the renunciation is there, they grow in the experience of understanding life as a gift in different and special way.