February 4, 2011 – Catechism 709-716

We fear the idea of exile.  It is not in our nature to suffer, even though, when you think about it, nothing you have that is really worth anything came to you without suffering or sacrifice.  We know this and are thankful for it, but we don’t trust it enough to go into exile with confidence.  We always go in reluctantly.  With Lent on the horizon, maybe we should go in with a better attitude, knowing that if we take it serious and honestly take a look at really growing in our relationship with God, we will come out in better shape. 

There is so much said, and recently I have seen it in almost everything I read, about being poor and meek and how the Spirit is in them.  God is preparing these for great things.  I think about what that means for me.  I am not wealthy by any stretch, yet I know I am not poor.  I know there are things I want and don’t have, and I also know those are things I don’t need and won’t help me grow.  I know I have things that I don’t need, but I also do without.  I just wonder where I fit into this.  Am I poor enough to receive God’s Spirit or even with what I have am I too materialistic so that my heart is hardened.  Obviously I hope for one, but I am not arrogant enough to think I am not a victim of the other.  I know I envy others and it is something that really eats at me inside.  I long for what they have and then I beat myself up for wanting it.   I don’t know if I am better at it than I used to be.  I think I am harder on myself when I catch myself and I think I catch myself more when I do it instead of just thinking it is ok to envy.  I guess that is something, but it is something that I will keep working on.